Kagome's CDs
by LzL
Summary: To help pass time, Kagome brought her CD player to the feudal era, but little does she know that another member of the group is silently listening with her. And that someone is definitely not just listening to pass time.
1. Prologue

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha…unfortunately.

Here I am, starting another fanfic. This one will just be a collection of song fics based on Inuyasha's point of view. I might do other character's p.o.v. later on, but for now, I'm gonna stick to Inuyasha's.

So, enjoy and please RR!

**-Prologue-**

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

I closed my eyes as I leaned back against my favourite tree, sitting on one of the many branches, waiting for a certain girl to come back like she promised three days ago.

I sighed, wondering why she always wants to go back. She says she has to fill her backpack up with things she needs. It's not like the things she needs aren't available in the feudal era.

Clothes, food, simple accessories and just about everyday life stuff can be found here. Well, okay, maybe except for her 'home-work' stuff. But she's always complaining about it, so why get it?

I sighed again, understand her need to go back to see her friends and family once in a while. But why does she have to go for so long? I always get irritated easily when she's not around. I know exactly why though, it's because I miss her. Although I'll drop dead before I admit that to anyone.

I was still grumpily thinking of reasons for her to go back when I sensed a sweet scent in the area. It was her scent.

I jumped down from my tree, to see her trying to climb over the well with her big yellow backpack. She was having trouble lifting her bag over the well, so I hurried to help her.

I set her on the ground and was about to yell at her and bombard her with questions for why returning so late, when she turned to me and gave me a gentle smile.

''Thank you, Inuyasha.''

I inwardly sighed in defeat and couldn't help but gave a small smile back. ''No problem.''

''Come on, let's head back.'' She told me and walked towards the village with me following behind her, carrying her bag.

* * *

I'm back in my tree again.

Kagome had made us ramen for dinner after she came back (this is the only reason that I would let her go back, to get more ramen) and she suggested to sleep outside for tonight since it was a clear night.

So now, the others are around the camp fire Miroku built near the tree, talking and doing whatever they want to do.

Shippo were playing 'cards' with Miroku while Sango and Kirara silently watched beside them. Kagome was watching them as well, then she suddenly stood up and walked over to her backpack.

''Where are you going?'' Shippo asked Kagome.

''Oh, to get my CD player.'' Kagome answered back, smiling at the young kitsune. She walked back to where she originally sat and showed the others her new toy.

''CD?'' Miroku asked curiously.

''Yup! I got it from Hojo. He said using music therapy would help my uh...illness. I guess Grandpa must have made up another disease.'' Kagome answered back.

I inwardly growled at the mention of the name 'Ho-ho'…or whatever his name was. Kagome always talk so nicely about him, complementing on him and making him sound like an innocent sweet guy. I swear, the next time I go back in Kagome's time, I'll check out this Ho-ho guy.

But back to the others. Kagome was showing the others what her object does.

''…see, you press this button and the cover opens up for you to put a CD in. After you put the CD in, you press this button and it'll play music.'' Kagome patiently explained.

''So, this thing can play music?'' Sango asked, surprised.

Kagome nodded.

''But how do you listen to it?''

''You use a head phone, like this one.''Kagome held up an upside down U shaped head band with two black circles at either ends.

Kagome showed them how to plug it in and putted it on her head, with the black circles covering her ears.

''Wow, it's so handy and small.'' Miroku added, very interested by the strange device.

''Yup, that's why I decided to bring it here. I've always wanted to bring my boom box here, but it was too big.'' Kagome told the others.

''Boom-box?'' Shippo asked. ''Does that have anything to do with lightening and thunder?''

Kagome smiled. ''No, Shippo, it's kinda like a bigger version of a CD player, but with a lot more buttons and functions.''

''Oh.'' Came Shippo's replied. Obviously, that little guy was still confused.

''So can you play it, Kagome?'' asked Sango.

''Sure!''

Kagome pressed a button, and soft music started to come out of the black circles. Of course, the others couldn't hear a thing, but with my keen sense of hearing, I heard the little voices perfectly.

Kagome sensed the other's confusion and took her head phones and put it on Sango.

Sango's eyes opened wide when she heard the music.

''Wow, this is so cool!''

She then took it off and handed it to Miroku. Miroku imitated Sango and put it on. ''I agree with you, Sango, this is very interesting!''

He then gave it to Shippo, who was waiting patiently for his turn.

''WOW!'' was all he said after he put the head phones on.

Kagome giggled. Then she turned and looked up at me.

''Inuyasha, do you want to hear it?''

''No thanks.'' I replied, showing no interest in it.

But anyone who knows me well enough will know it's just another one of my ''tough-guy'' act. And of course, being Kagome, she knew exactly I'm doing, while the others thought I was being rude.

''Okay then.'' Kagome said, smiling at me and taking the head phones away from Shippo and putting it back on her head.

Oh, how I love that smile…

Then I froze as I realized something. The voices she was listening to were male voices!

I silently jumped down over to Kagome and tapped her on the shoulder.

''So what are you listening to?'' I asked.

''Huh? Oh, just songs I downloaded.''

''Is Ho-ho the one singing in the songs?'' I asked, not even bother to ask what 'download' is.

''It's Hojo and no, these are other people. Here, you want to listen to it?'' she asked again.

''Feh.'' I answered back.

Kagome took that as a yes and she took the head phone thing off and tried to put it on me.

''Uh…I think we have a problem.'' She said, turning the thing to cover my ears.

In the end, she had to put the thing upside down on the back of my head so the black circles covered my ears.

''There.'' Kagome then pushed the triangle button and I heard loud voices attacking my ears.

''Ow!'' I jumped back, taking the head phones off me.

''Inuyasha! Are you okay?''

''Why is on so loud?'' I cried, covering my ears with my hand.

Those damn noises are still ringing in my ears.

''I'm sorry, I forgot how sensitive your ears were.'' She apologized. ''I don't think you should listen to it anymore.''

I jumped back into my tree without answering. Those damn noises! I turn back to watch Kagome. She returns to listening to her music, while the others continued their card game.

I silently observed her as she pressed the tiny buttons. Even from my distance, I can still see clearly what she was pressing. I learned that the triangle shaped button starts the music and the square button stops it.

I watched Kagome as she hummed along. I smirked seeing how she moves her body to the music. I can hear the music form here too, and well, I gotta admit. I like the sounds coming out of the thing, now that it's not so loud.

As the songs went on, I started to pay attention to the words the people were singing. I leaned against the tree and closed my eyes, as the words of the songs brought me back to my memories…

* * *

And so…this begins the song fics… hope you like the prologue!

Don't forget to Read and Review!


	2. Don't Wanna Fall in Love

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. (Stuffs Inuyasha into my closet)

This is my first song fic, hope you guys like it.

Song: Don't Want to Fall in Love...by Green Day

Enjoy and RR!

_Italic words are _lyrics

**-Chapter 1 "Don't Wanna Fall In Love"-**

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

As I leaned against my tree, listening to the words coming out of the weird device Kagome's listening to, I flashed back to when I first met her.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes after my 50-year nap, was a women running towards me.

Kikyo.

…Or so I thought. I later learned her name was Kagome. And she was the complete opposite of the miko.

She's clumsy, annoying and her powers were nothing compared to Kikyo's. At first I hated her, for reminding me of my bad memories of me and Kikyo. When she shattered the jewel, I wanted to kill her. But Kaede stopped me and said I needed her. Ha, as if, all I thought of her was just another worthless human being I had to take care of.

_Don't want to have you hangin,  
Around me like a leech.  
I think you're just a problem,  
So stay the hell away from me because I don't believe in you.  
_

But as we spent more days looking for the jewel shards, I learned more things about her. She was friendly, accepting, caring and cheerful all the time. I couldn't help but get attached to her. Anybody would. Her personality was just so warm and welcome. But I knew I couldn't get _too_ attached to her. I wasn't fit to be with her. After all, I'm just a hanyou. I was meant to be alone, not fitting in with demons and not fitting in with humans.

_And I wanna sit here all my life alone.  
This may sound a little rough,  
Don't wanna fall in love.  
_

I tried not to fall in love with her. But I couldn't stop myself. She gave me strength in so many ways. My physical strength is brought out but my instinct to protect her and my mental strength is brought out by her support. The way she accepted me for who I was touched me greatly. Before she came into my life, I was just another hanyou, cast away by others.

But after all the things I went through with Kagome, I couldn't help but fall for her. I know it was wrong of me. I had too many responsibilities. What with dealing with Kikyo, the jewel shards and killing Naraku. It wasn't right of me to fall in love with Kagome.

_Don't need security.  
I ain't no dog without a bone.  
Don't have no time for love.  
So stay the fuck away from me because I don't believe in you,  
_

I looked down to the girl I've come to love. I smiled as she laughed along with Sango and Shippo. Miroku must have lost another round.

Having friends was another thing Kagome brought into my life. Before I met her, I couldn't trust a living soul, let alone having friends. But she showed me that friends are a good thing to have around. Even though they could be little annoying kitsunes, or perverted monks.

_And I wanna sit here all my life alone.  
This may sound a little rough.  
Don't wanna fall in love.  
_

Watching her smile and being happy, I know I can't tell her how I feel. Telling her that will only make her stay by me even more. Of course, I wouldn't mind. But what if she gets hurt? She already suffers enough from all those pain, and wounds she gets when she's around me. She doesn't need to have more suffering.

_This may sound a little rough.  
Don't wanna fall in love.  
This may sound a little rough.  
Don't wanna fall in love._

Maybe someday I'll tell her I love her, how important she is to me and how she changed me in so many ways.

_This may sound a little fucked.  
Don't wanna fall in love._

But for now, I'll just keep denying the fact that I love her.

For now…

I don't wanna fall in love.

* * *

So how do you like my first song fic? I think it's pretty good for my first one. I just love that little phrase: 'I ain't no dog without a bone. ' …it's such a great pun…

Review and tell me what you think, bad or good comments are welcomed! ...but try to stay away from the bad comments…thanks! )


	3. All By Myself

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer: If I DID own Inuyasha, Kikyo would have been dead by now…and I mean, 'dead-and-never-come-back-to-disturb-Inuyasha-and-Kagome-again' dead. But since she still graces us with her presence, I guess I DON'T own Inuyasha. (sigh)

Song: All By Myself…and yes…it's by Green Day!

Enjoy and don't forget to RR!

_Italic words are _lyrics

**-Chapter 2 All By Myself-**

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

I grumpily walked back to where the others were.

It's so annoying when she does this, why does she have to run away? Why does she never stay and listen to me explain?

When I got near the tree, where we slept last night, everyone else was gone. They probably left to find food in the village.

I noticed that Kagome had left her yellow bag beside her sleeping bag. I glanced at it and saw her strange device sticking out of the side.

I reached out, grabbed the device and jumped into my tree. Not bothered to put the weird head ban on, I placed it on my lap and pressed the triangular button and another song came out of the black circles.

_I was alone, I was all by myself  
No one was looking, I was thinking of you_

I flashed back to this morning…the reason Kagome left me, once again.

-Flash Back-

I woke up very early this morning, just like every morning. But today, the air was different. It was filled with a different scent. I sniffed the air and could pick up the smell of clay, bones and dead spirits…

Kikyo.

I looked down at Kagome, sleeping peacefully with Shippo on her belly. It was still very early, the others won't wake up for quite a while…it wouldn't hurt to go see what Kikyo was doing.

I decided to go see her. I couldn't help it. After all, I did love her.

I jumped off the tree and followed my nose into the directions of the miko. I wondered what she was doing here, the scent seem to be leading me into the deepest part of the forest.

Kikyo already sensed me coming, she didn't even have to open her eyes as she greeted me.

''Inuyasha…long time no see.''

I walked nearer to her. She was sitting on the ground, leaning on one of the trees.

''Kikyo.''

We stayed silent for a while, before I started talking again.

''So, what are you doing here?''

''I was going to visit Kaede. But I was too tired, and I needed more souls, so I stopped here for the night.'' She answered, holding out her hand and indicating one of her snake-like soul collectors.

''Are you better now?''

''Yes.''

For some reason, it felt so awkward and weird when I talk to Kikyo now. I seem so…formal, but then again, it could just because I'm rude in front of Kagome. But the way I talk in front of Kikyo wasn't as natural as when I talk to Kagome. And the way Kikyo talks are also very different from her reincarnation. Kikyo talks very formal, with a cold tone in her voice. Kagome's voice is cheerful all the time. Even when she's serious, her voice still seems gentle. Kikyo's voice sounds the same every time she talks, only when she's talking to me does her voice goes a bit softer.

''Inuyasha, were you worried about me? Is that why you came?'' Kikyo asked, bringing me back out from my thoughts.

''I was just…yeah, I was.''

That was just a downright lie. Now that I think about it, I didn't really come here because I thought Kikyo was in danger. I came here out of pure curiosity. The thought of Kikyo in harm didn't even cross my mind once. I sometimes worry about Naraku hurting Kikyo, but so far, Kikyo's been able to see through Naraku's trickeries and protect herself. Where as Kagome, she just seems to be the type that needs to be protected.

Kikyo must have sensed me lying. She walked over to me and stared into my amber eyes.

''You're thinking of her, aren't you?'' Kikyo asked, a hint of hurt in her voice.

I remained silent.

Kikyo wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close to her cold body. Like the other timewe embraced, I could smell her old fragrance. But her scent just wasn't like it used to be, now her scent was mixed with dead souls.

''Inuyasha,'' Kikyo whispered.

''Yeah?''

''Do you remember what you promised me?''

''Of course. I promised you that I'll always protect you from Naraku.''

''…And?''

I hesitated. Is Kikyo trying to ask what I think she's asking? Is it time already?

''…I promised…that I'll go to hell with you, if it is truly your wish.''

''Then why are you thinking about that girl?''

I didn't know how to answer her. I mean, what could I say?

''Inuyasha, do you still love me?''

''Kikyo,'' I wrapped my arms around her waist and continued. ''…You know the answer to that question.''

That was the best answer I could come up with to avoid saying that I love her. I just couldn't bring my self up to say it. Like I said, I DID love her…a long time ago.

Kikyo was about to answer me, when I suddenly realized there was a different scent in the air.

Shit…

It was Kagome.

I let go of Kikyo and spun around. Sure enough, Kagome was standing there, looking at us with hurt in her watery eyes.

''…Kagome.''

Kagome didn't answer; she turned around and ran away, just like the last time.

''I'm sorry, Kikyo. I have to go after her, she might get hurt.'' I apologized.

Kikyo didn't answer, she called out to her soul collectors and they carried her away.

''Go after her, but remember that no matter what happens, you'll still end up with me.''

I didn't care about where I end up right now, all I wanted was to catch up with Kagome and explain to her.

* * *

I took off, right after Kikyo flew away with her soul collectors. I followed my nose and pretty soon, I caught up with Kagome. I could see her green skirt darting here and there between the trees. 

''Kagome!'' I called out to her.

Kagome kept running.

''Kagome, wait! Let me explain!'' I tried again, catching up to her.

''NO! I don't want to hear it!...'' She yelled back, still running.

I rolled my eyes, why does she keep running? She knows I'll be able to catch up to her sooner or later.

''…SIT!''

…as long as she doesn't say the 's' word.

I crashed right after the words left her lips, sending me face down to the hard ground.

''SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT!'' Kagome kept yelling.

When the spells finally wore off, (and I climbed back out of the hole I made), I couldn't smell Kagome anymore. I followed the faint smell she left behind and the scent led me to the well.

-End Flash Back-

I sighed.

She went back to her time again.

_Oh yeah, did I mention I was all by myself_

_All by myself...  
__  
All by myself..._

_All by myself..._

As I continued to listen to the song, I flashed back to when I followed her through the well.

-Flash Back Continued-

When the scent led me to the well, my first instinct was to follow her. I needed to explain to Kagome. When I jumped out of Kagome's well house, the first scent I caught was Kagome's tears.

I felt a stab of pain in my heart. Kagome was crying over me again. Although she wouldn't admit it, I've caught the scent of her tears a few times, mostly right after my short meetings with Kikyo.

I got out of the well house and jumped onto her windowsill. But she wasn't there. I couldn't sniff out her scent in the house. I opened her window and jumped in.

I took a big sniff of her room and filled my nose with Kagome's sweet scent. Oh, how I love her scent. It was the sweetest smell I could remember, other than my mom's. But even though her scent smelt good, it was nothing compare to the actual Kagome.

_I went to your house, but no one was there  
I went in your room  
I was all by myself  
_

I walked over to Kagome's bed and sat down. This room brings back a lot of memories. There was that time when Kagome was mad at me and I was supposed to come here to get her, but ended up breaking her alarm clock instead. And that time when I ran in here with Souta behind me because the water was too hot. I smiled at all those memories.

_You and me had  
Such wonderful times_

-End Flash Back-

I came back to the feudal era when I was sure Kagome was no where near her house. I wanted to go look for her, but even though I would never admit it, Kagome's time did scare me.

So now I'm back in the branches of my tree, banging my head against it's trunk.

How stupid can I get? Why did I have to go to Kikyo? If I weren't so curious, nothing would have happened.

And as I stare down to Kagome's empty sleeping bag, I know it's going to be one of those days again.

Those days without Kagome…

_When I'm all by myself,  
All by myself_

* * *

Another chapter done! 

This chapter might have been a bit confusing though, with all those flash backs. I hope you guys understood it.

But anyways, someone asked me if this fic actually has a story line to it. And my answer is yes. This fic will have different parts to it. If anyone hasn't guessed already, this first part I've been working on is about the relationship between Inuyasha, Kagome and Kikyo. I'm guessing about…4 more chapters before I'm done with this first part. The second part would be a collection of song fics based on Inuyasha's view on being a hanyou.

Maybe in between each part, I'll add some odds and ends. Just little song fics that doesn't really have a story line to it, but little one-shots that relates to the story.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please Review!


	4. Extraordinary Girl

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is mine…I wished.

Song: Extraordinary Girl…by Green Day!

Enjoy!

_Italic words are _lyrics

**-Chapter 3 Extraordinary Girl-**

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

When the others came back around mid day, they asked me where Kagome went.

I didn't answer them and stayed in my tree.

Miroku, being the 'wise' one, knew something was wrong.

''Let me guess, Kagome went back to her time?'' Miroku asked, looking up at me.

I remained silent.

''You must have done something stupid again, didn't you?'' the little annoying brat asked.

I growled in response but didn't say anything else.

The others knew they wouldn't get anything out of me so they left me alone. They decided to go back to the village to help Kaede while waiting for Kagome to get back (and for me to go get her).

I took out the device thing I left in my hoari; I didn't bothered putting it back after listening to it earlier this morning.

After I pressed the triangular button, another song came out through the black circles.

_She's an extraordinary girl  
In an ordinary world  
And she can't seem to get away_

The song seemed to be describing Kagome.

After all, when I think about it, Kagome IS an extraordinary girl. I mean, she is doing things that aren't expected from girls her age. She's been through pain and suffering. Both physical and emotional. She's not afraid to fight demons and monsters, she's stronger than many other girls I've seen…not including Kikyo and Sango. Although I hardly think about it, I really do feel kinda sorry for Kagome. She didn't really have much choice but to find the shards, even though it IS her fault that the jewel got shattered. But she is constantly here, looking for the broken shards, far, far away from her family and friends.

I've sometimes wonder how Kagome would live if she never fell through the well and got stuck in this 'finding-jewel-shards quest'. It scares me to think about it, because that would mean I would never have gotten free from that god tree. I would've never met Kagome, never know how it feels to be able to trust someone and never know how it feels to…belong.

I really am grateful for Kagome. Although I'll never be able to tell her that…at least, not yet.

_He lacks the courage in his mind  
Like a child left behind  
Like a pet left in the rain_

I sighed as I looked up to the sky. It's cloudy today.

I wonder why, could it be because Kagome's not here?

I decided to go find Kagome and try to explain to her once again. I shoved the device back into my hoari and putted the weird head ban around my neck. As I jumped down into the well, there was only one thought in my mind.

Please listen to me Kagome.

_

* * *

As I got out of the well house, I was able to pick up Kagome's scent. But her sweet scent was ruined by a salty smell._

I silently jumped onto a nearby branch near her window and looked into her room. My heart ached at the sight before me.

My Kagome was sitting in the corner of her room, her head leaning against the wall. Her knees were in front of her, with her arms around them. Her usual cheerful eyes were closed; tears were rolling down her cheeks. Her hair was a mess, and her clothes were crimpled and dirty.

_She's all alone again  
Wiping the tears from her eyes  
Some days he feels like dying  
She gets so sick of crying  
_

She was looking at the mirror in front of her, occasionally touching it with her fingers tips. She would touch the mirror and then her face. After a few times of doing that, she wiped the mirror, as if trying to wipe her reflection away.

_  
She sees the mirror of herself  
An image she wants to sell  
To anyone willing to buy  
_

I know what she's thinking. She must be comparing herself with Kikyo again. Now that I think about it, Kagome and Kikyo really don't look anything alike. Maybe the first time you see them, but after a while, you'll notice that they look very different. Kagome's hair is wavy and shorter than Kikyo's. Kikyo's skin is paler than Kagome's. The most important, both have very different eyes. Their eyes are almost like their voices. One is always cheerful and full of life. The other is always cold and unemotional.

_  
He steals the image in her kiss  
From her hearts apocalypse  
From the one called whatsername  
_

I really want to tell Kagome those comparisons. I bet if I did, she'll feel a lot better about her self. She's constantly saying that I only care for her because she looks like Kikyo. That's not true. In fact, it's the opposite. Whenever I see Kikyo, she makes me think back to Kagome. But stupid me just couldn't bring myself up to say those things to her, not yet.

_She's all alone again  
Wiping the tears from her eyes  
Some days he feels like dying  
She gets so sick of crying  
_

As I looked into Kagome's room and her on the floor, my heart ached even more. For some reason, I decided not to go in and stop her. Somehow, it felt like a very personal matter to Kagome. She would be very embarrassed and mad if she knew I was watching her and seeing her like this. So I jumped back down into the well house, heart still aching from Kagome's tears.

_She's all alone again  
Wiping the tears from her eyes  
Some days he feels like dying  
Some days it's not worth trying  
Now that they both are finding  
She gets so sick of crying  
_

I climbed back out of the well, knowing I'll have to go back again sooner or later. But for now, I'll just let Kagome to have some time to think by her self, and hope she'll forgive me soon.

_  
She's an extraordinary girl._

* * *

…Another chapter! Nothing else much to say…

Oh…please check out my new one-shot…Simple… It was just a random fic that came to me out of nowhere…but still fluffy.

Please Review!


	5. Don't Leave Me

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer: Inuyasha's not mine…but that's just a matter of time… (evil laugh)

Hey! Hope everyone's had a great March Break! I'll have to go back to school tomorrow!  
T-T

But anyways…I just thought I'd upload something up before March Break ends so here's chapter 4.

Warning: This chapter is gonna be a tear jerker…sadder than last chapter…

Song: Don't Leave Me…based on the previous chapters…guess who?

Enjoy!

_Italic words are _lyrics

**Chapter 4 Don't Leave Me**

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

It's been 3 days since I went to Kagome's time. And like the first day, it was still cloudy. I've had the urge to go back again, but there's always a little part of me that's too proud to go back and apologize.

The others are starting to worry. They know something big happened this time, even Shippo kept his annoying comments to himself.

''Inuyasha, what happened?'' Sango asked.

''Just tell us, and maybe we can help you solve it.'' Miroku added.

''Please Inuyasha? I'm really worried about Kagome.'' Shippo said, with tears brimming along the edge of his eyes.

''I…I can't…this is between me and Kagome. There's nothing you can do to help.'' With that, I ran towards the forest.

* * *

Once I got into the deep part of the forest, I slowed down a little, thinking of Kagome. 

As I kept walking, I noticed that it was the same route where I followed Kikyo's scent the other day. I walked towards the tree Kikyo was sitting against and sat down on the same spot. I closed my eyes, recalling what happened that day.

The first thing that popped into my head was Kagome's sad face. Her eyes were full of sadness, and hurt. My heart started to ache when I thought back to her crying in her room.

I'm such an idiot! Why do I always keep hurting Kagome? Why don't I have the courage to go apologize?

That was when I realized I wanted to go talk to Kagome, to explain and say sorry.

I got up from the spot and ran towards the well. This time, I'll make sure I talk to her.

_I'll go for miles  
Till I find you

* * *

_

I quickly jumped out the well house and landed on Kagome's windowsill. I sniffed the air to see if she was there or not. I can smell her in the house, but not in her room. I quickly realized that a scent was missing from last time. I let out a relieved sigh.

Good, she's not crying…

I opened her window and followed her scent. The scent was coming from downstairs. I sniffed the air to make sure both Souta and the old man wasn't in the house. You'd never know when they would pop out of no where and give me a heart attack. I silently made my way down the stairs.

As I edge nearer to the room Kagome was in, I heard talking. It seems that Kagome's mom was also in there with her.

''Kagome dear, not that I'm complaining or anything, but how come you're still here? Shouldn't you be in the feudal era?''

''Um…I have a huge math test to study for! That's why!'' Kagome answered, somewhat nervously.

''And what about Inuyasha? Usually he would've come here a long time ago, dragging you back with him.''

''He…uh…has something to do…that's why.''

Mrs. Higurashi noticed something was wrong with her daughter. She leaned towards Kagome, placing a comfortable hand on Kagome's shoulder.

''Kagome, is something wrong?''

''No Mom…nothing's wrong!'' Kagome answered, avoiding her mother's eyes.

Mrs. Higurashi sighed. ''Kagome, I can tell something is wrong. Does it have something to do with Inuyasha?''

Kagome knew it was no use lying to her mom. After all, mom knows everything. She nodded.

Mrs. Higurashi led Kagome into the other room, (the one with the weird box in it) and they sat around the table.

I silently followed them, edging a bit closer. I know it was wrong of me to eaves drop them, but hey, you can't blame me for having an extra good hearing now, could you?

''What happened?'' Mrs. H asked kindly.

''Well…'' Kagome fidgeted nervously, not sure where to start.

''It's okay, calm down. We've got time.''

Kagome nodded. ''Well…I guess I should start from the other day, when I came running home, crying.''

''Crying? I don't recall seeing you crying.''

''Oh, you weren't home yet that day.''

''Oh…right! Sorry, keep going…''

''That morning was the same as every morning; I woke up with Shippo on my belly and the others around me. But then I noticed that Inuyasha wasn't there and I saw a few soul collectors flying around the forest. I knew Kikyo was there so naturally Inuyasha was with her too. But I wanted to make sure, so I ran in the forest. When I got to the centre of the forest, I saw Inuyasha and Kikyo embracing.''

''So that's the problem, right?''

Kagome nodded again.

''So after that, you ran?''

''Yes.''

''I understand how you feel dear, but did you give time for Inuyasha to explain?''

''No. I kinda just ran right after he saw me. He tried to catch up to me but I stopped him with my 'sits'.''

''Well…maybe you should listen to him and see what he had to say.''

''Why? What's left for him to explain?'' Kagome started, tears beginning to form in her eyes. ''It's the same as last time! After all this time, he still can't forget about Kikyo!''

At this, Kagome burst out crying, moving into her mother's open arms.

''Oh Kagome.'' Mrs. Higurashi sighed as she held her daughter.

Kagome continued. ''It's been a whole year, Mom! A whole YEAR! A whole year since I told him about my decision and went back to him in spite of the fact that he still loved Kikyo! Remember?''

''Of course I do. We talked about your father and I under the God tree and how I made my choice. And Kagome, you made the right choice returning to Inuyasha.''

''Mom, I can't take it anymore! I was able to return to him and accept the fact that he loves Kikyo and me at the same time. But now…I just don't know anymore! It hurts too much!''

''So are you saying that you're planning to leave him?'' Mrs. Higurashi asked, worried.

''I…I don't know if I should leave him or not! It hurts but I still love him, Mom! Maybe even more now! I want to stay by him, I really do! But…it just hurts!''

I stood there, behind the doorway, shocked at what Kagome just confessed.

_You say you want to leave me  
But you can't choose_

She's planning to leave me?

_  
I've gone through pain  
Every day and night  
I feel my mind is going insane  
Something I can't fight_

She can't! What about the jewel shards? What about Naraku? What about Shippo, Miroku, Sango and Kaede?

…What about… me?

''Come on, Kagome, let's get you cleaned up.''

I heard them moving my direction; I quickly jumped back out the house and into the well. The only thought I had in my mine was this: Don't leave me, Kagome.

Don't leave me  
Don't leave me

* * *

I made my way out of the well; I dashed across the field and jumped into the God tree, still shocked at what I just heard.

_A blank expression  
Covering your face  
I'm looking for directions  
For out of this place  
_

Does it really hurt Kagome that much? So much that she's gonna leave me? If I knew this, I'd never go see Kikyo!

I started to wonder if Kagome was being serious. Is she really leaving me? What if she does?

_I start to wonder  
If you'll come back_

I started to panic.

What if…she doesn't come back? What would I do?

Who's going to help me collect the jewel shards?

Who's going to take care of Shippo?

Who's gonna go into the hot springs with Sango?

Who's gonna help Sango stop Miroku when he gets perverted?

Who's gonna comfort Sango when she thinks of Kohaku?

Who's gonna purify Naraku when Kikyo isn't there?

Who's gonna stop Shippo when he annoys me?

Who's gonna bring us ramen?

Who's gonna tell Shippo night time stories?

Who's gonna beat Miroku at card games?

I just kept blabbing my head off without actually knowing all the things I asked. Without me noticing, the clouds that covered the sky started to fall in little raindrops. But I was still panicking, still asking mindless questions.

Who's gonna rub my ears?

Who's gonna 'sit' me when I get bad?

Who's gonna be there to stop me from punching Shippo?

I walked out of the forest and into the clearing. I tilted my head towards the skies and felt the rain drops falling onto my face.

Who's gonna be there to support me?

Who's gonna be there when I feel left out?

Who's gonna be there to comfort me when I get down?

Who's gonna stop my demon form from taking over my half-demon self?

Who's gonna make me feel peaceful, happy, belonged and…me?

Who's gonna be there to make me go head over heels?

Who's gonna be there for me to love?

…

Who's gonna be there to love me?

_I feel the rain storming after thunder  
I can't hold back_

Soon, not only rain drops were falling from my face. 

Don't leave me

I walked over to the well and stared at the other side. I clenched my fists together, feeling angry at myself with Kagome's voice repeating over and over in my head.

''I…I don't know if I should leave him or not! It hurts but I still love him, Mom! Maybe even more now! I want to stay by him, I really do! But…it just hurts!''

_I'll go for miles  
Till I find you  
You say you want to leave me  
But you can't choose  
_

I started to feel guilt and regret, sorry that I had hurt Kagome and regretting that I went to Kikyo.

_I've gone through pain  
Every day and night_

I've suffered from many cuts, bruises, injuries and endured many pain. But this time, it has got to be the most painful experience of all. Never have I felt like beating myself up so badly, and felt like my heart was being ripped into pieces.

_I feel my mind is going insane  
Something I can't fight  
_

I wiped my tears with my sleeves and sat against the well. With the rain getting stronger and stronger, I plead out loud.

''Kagome, please don't leave me…I NEED you!...I'd do anything! Just please don't leave me…''

So I sat there all afternoon and night, pleading to myself and wishing Kagome was there to hear me. The rain kept falling, getting worst and worst. But still I sat there, broken hearted. The rain didn't stop till mid-night…

…nor did my tears.

_Don't leave me

* * *

_

Phew! I'm done! Well…after re-reading my story, I'd say spending the past 3 and a half hour was worth it. I feel so sad for Inuyasha. He's crying!... T-T…(burst out crying)

But anyways…hope you all enjoyed that, it took a lot of planning and thinking…

Okay…maybe not the planning part since I just wrote whatever I thought of…

If you enjoyed it, please review! I LOVE reviews, especially the long ones.

And here are some people I want to thank for reviewing:

shippowantscandy - Thank you so much for your constant reviewing! Yours are the long ones too!

BakaYasha - THANK YOU for reviewing! I read some of your stories too…but I didn't review them yet. I'm just too lazy…but I'll get to it sooner or later…but so far they're really good! Oh and you asked when I'm gonna finish this fic…well…I'm not sure. So far I think I have one more chapter and I'll be done with this first part. (You can go back to the second chapter 'All by Myself' and read the Author's note at the end to see the parts I kinda planned).

ZIPPIYGIRL - hey, thanx for reviewing! Oh and I'm so sorry that I still haven't done anything in the C2…I still haven't picked up my lazy bum and read the story…but I'll get to it…sooner or later!

fluffyrachel - thank you for reviewing! You were one of the first people who reviewed my stories!

…And thanx to all the others for reviewing!

If you want me to thank you in the next chapter, review NOW!


	6. I'm Sorry

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer:

Inuyasha:''I don't belong to anyone…ANYONE!'' (Laughs like a maniac)

Me:''Uh…What about Takahashi-san?''

Inuyasha:''…you just _had_ to go and ruin my moment didn't you?''

Me:''hehe…sorry!''

Hey! Hope everyone had a great Easter break!

First, I gotta apologize to those who burst out crying at the end of the last chapter…I know how you feel…I cried too…but making Inuyasha cry was the main point of the story. Cause then, all you guys would come back to read the next chapter where he makes up with Kagome!

Second, I'm sorry if my Green Day songs are bothering any of you readers out there. It's just that…Green Day was my latest obsession…so I kinda went over board with them…but I promise that I'll try to use less of their songs in the future!

Anyways…here's the next chapter…it took me awhile to think of a song that fits the story. So I ended up picking two.

Songs: Down by Blink 182 and Forgive Me by Evanescence…  
!NOTE! I may skip some parts of each song so that I can make the storygo more smoothly.

Enjoy!

_Italic words are _lyrics

**Chapter 5 - I'm Sorry**

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

''KAGOME!''

I woke up with a start, sweat dripping off my face. I looked around me and realized that it was all only a dream. I dreamt that Kagome was leaving me and no matter how hard and fast I ran, I couldn't catch up to her.

I leaned back against the well. I hadn't moved from the spot since yesterday. I sighed, remembering the conversation I overheard with Kagome and her mom. I was so focused that I didn't realize someone had sat beside me.

''Inuyasha…''

I recognized the scent and gave an annoyed growl.

''Look, if you've come to lecture me and tell me to go find Kagome''

''I wasn't planning to lecture you.''

''Then what do you want?''

''Inuyasha, I've watched you since yesterday. Although you wouldn't admit it, you need to talk to somebody.''

I turned my head and stared into the monk's face. I gave a small sigh.

I know Miroku's just trying to help.

''Kagome's mad at me.''

''Gee, if you didn't tell me, I would've never figured it out.'' Miroku answered back sarcastically.

I glared at him, but continued. ''She saw me embracing Kikyo. I tried to explain to her, but she ran away before I could even say a word.''

''Did you try to go after her?''

''YES! I went down the well like 3 times already.''

''…and you STILL haven't apologized yet?''

''Well…every time I went was bad timing I guess.''

Miroku sighed. ''Inuyasha, if you don't apologize soon, she's going to leave you.''

The moment Miroku said ''she's going to leave you'', I tensed up.

Miroku noticed this and continued. ''You mean, she's really leaving you?''

I nodded. ''I overheard her talking to her mom. She said she doesn't know yet, but it hurts her to stay with me.''

''Inuyasha! You have to do something quick then! Before she makes her decision! Go now and apologize!''

''But...''

''No buts, Inuyasha! Do you WANT her to leave you? I sure don't want her to leave us. I'm sure you know how much you need her, so TELL HER that!'' Miroku urged, standing up and pulling me up with him.

''Go and apologize, tell her how much you need her and get her back!'' Miroku ordered, giving me a push towards the well.

I turned back to look at him. ''Thanks, Miroku.''

And with that, I jumped down the well.

* * *

It was raining over at Kagome's time. The same rain that I sat in last night, while thinking of Kagome. I looked up into the sky and felt the small rain drops falling on my face. It gave me a calm feeling, like refreshing my mind. 

I opened my eyes and noticed that someone was standing under the God tree, face tilted towards the sky. Her back was facing me, but I know it's her.

Kagome…

I silently walked over to her, standing about a meter away from her. She sensed someone behind her and turned around.

She let out a small gasp. ''Inu…yasha…''

We stayed silent, not sure how to start the conversation.

_The drops of rain they fall all over  
This awkward silence makes me crazy  
_

Kagome turned and walked nearer to the God tree, sitting right beneath it. I followed and did the same, taking a seat right beside her. Kagome's shards started to glow, lighting up a pink circle of light around her chest. The glow reflected off her face, giving her pretty face a nice shade.

_The glow inside burns light upon her  
(this can't be the end)  
_

''The shards always glow whenever I'm near the tree and thinking about you.'' Kagome said softly.

I looked over at her. She looked back, but looked away quickly again.

I felt my heart start to clench. Why did she look away from me? Does it hurt her so much that she can't even look at me for more then a second?

_Tidal waves they rip right through me  
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad  
Pick me up now, I need you so bad  
_

I decided to start talking, hoping she would make eye contact with me again.

''Kagome, what have you been doing in the past few days?''

''Oh just doing stuff and thinking some things over.''

Thinking some things over? Does she mean her decisions?

''Inuyasha, I have to tell you something…''

I quickly looked at her. No, she doesn't mean…

…

NO! She can't make her decision yet! I still have to apologize!

''Kagome, wait…''

''No, Inuyasha, listen to me first.'' She starred determinedly into my eyes, making me stop talking.

_Your vows of silence fall all over  
The look in your eyes makes me crazy  
I feel the darkness break upon her  
I'll take you over if you let me  
(You did this)  
_

''No, Kagome, YOU listen to me! You CAN'T leave me! I NEED you!''

_Tidal waves they rip right through me  
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad  
Pick me up now, I need you so bad.  
_

I grabbed her and pulled her close to me, crushing the life out of her. Kagome immediately tensed up, not used to being hugged so close. I could feel her heart, beating fast against my chest.

''Inuyasha?'' She asked me softly, a questioning tone in her voice.

''Kagome, I came back yesterday and heard you talking to your mom. I know you're planning to leave me.''

''Inuyasha...'' Kagome started.

''Please just listen to me first, Kagome.'' I interrupted her, hoping that if she listens to my apology, she'll change her mind.

_Can you forgive me again?  
I don't know what I said  
But I didn't mean to hurt you_

''Please don't leave me, Kagome. We need you. Sango, Miroku, Shippo and Kaede all miss you very much…_I_ miss you.''

Kagome relaxed a bit.

''Kagome, I wanted to explain to you what happened. When you saw me with Kikyo…it's not what it seems. What I said to Kikyo...I didn't mean to hurt you.''

_I heard the words come out  
I felt that I would die  
It hurt so much to hurt you  
_

Kagome moved back, forcing me to let go.

''It wasn't what you said, Inuyasha. It was what you were doing.'' She said, hurt in her voice again. ''You were embracing her…again!''

''I know, but…I only did it because she asked me if I still love her and I didn't know what to do so I embraced her.''

''You didn't know what to do so you embraced her? Yeah Inuyasha, that makes a lot of sense! If you don't love her, then why don't you just tell her? But no, you embraced her, which means…'' Kagome paused, biting her lips and holding back the tears in her eyes. ''…you still love her!''

_  
Then you look at me  
You're not shouting anymore  
You're silently broken  
_

''No, Kagome! I don't love her! I wanted to tell her that, but I couldn't bring myself up to say it. I didn't want to hurt her!''

''So you would rather hurt me?'' Kagome questioned, tears falling down her cheeks.

''NO! Kagome! I didn't mean it that way! Listen! I DON'T love Kikyo. I did…but that was a long time ago! I couldn't bring myself up to say that straight up to her face! I embraced her just so she would stop asking me. Please believe me Kagome!''

_Each time I say something I regret  
__I cry "I don't want to lose you."  
_

Kagome looked up to me, looking deep into my eyes as if to see if I'm telling the truth.

I looked back in her eyes, trying to make her see that I really am telling the truth.

''Kagome, I REALLY don't love her anymore.''

Kagome sighed and nodded.

I grabbed her again and pulled her in my arms once again. I smiled. Good, she believes me. Now, I have to tell her how important she is to me.

I gulped. This is harder than I thought…and Miroku makes it sound so easy.

_But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.  
_

''Kagome, when you left me…I felt so alone. You didn't let me explain and you ran away. If you stayed, we wouldn't be like this. Don't you see how much we need you?''

_  
'Cause you were made for me  
Somehow I'll make you see  
How happy you make me  
_

''Don't you see how much _I_ need you? When I came back and heard you talking to your mom, I felt like my world ended. I couldn't even imagine what life would be without you. I NEED you, Kagome.''

_I can't live this life  
Without you by my side  
I need you to survive  
_

''You're always there for me, cheering me up when I'm sad, supporting me in so many ways. I need you to stay with me, please? I'm sorry.''

I pulled back and I reached up to her face to wipe the tears away from her cheeks.

_So stay with me  
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.  
_

Kagome smiled. ''How can I refuse when you ask me like that?''

_And you forgive me again  
You're my one true friend  
And I never meant to hurt you_

''Inuyasha, you should be like this more often. Open up to me more so I would know what you're thinking.'' Kagome said, with a big grin.

''…''

I blushed. I've never opened up to Kagome like this. In fact, I don't recall me EVER opened up to ANYONE like this.

Kagome noticed my embarrassment and giggled. That only made me blushed even more. Seeing me blushing, Kagome flung herself at me and hugged me tightly. It almost felt like she was trying to squeeze the life out of me. But it was a good feeling, and I was glad that she did it first since I've always wanted to hug her like that.

We embraced tightly together, enjoying the feeling. But…all good things must come to an end, and soon she pulled away.

''Come on, let's go back. I'm sure Shippo and the others all misses me.'' Kagome said, standing up.

I stood up and gently took Kagome's hand in mine. She looked up, wondering what I was doing.

''You grabbed my hand last time and pulled me back to the village. So I guess this time, it's only fair that I pull you back home.''

Kagome smiled and closed her hands around mine. Then she reached up and scratched my ears.

I smiled. It was just the way I like it.

Thank you, Kagome…

…

For everything.

* * *

YAY! They made up!... 

And when Inuyasha grabbed Kagome's hand, he was referring to Episode 48 - Return to the Place We First Met. It was when Kagome went back to Inuyasha and asked him if she could stay with him. And then there was this pretty scene where they were walking hand in hand and looking at each other…

Well…hope you all liked it! I think it's very fluffy and sweet! People have been complaining about my chapters being too sad. I hope this one brings the story back to fluffiness!

This is also the end to part 1 of this story. The next chapter would be part 2…and it'll be based on Inuyasha's point of view on being a hanyou. I've also planned a part 3 to this story, so keep reading!

And like I promised, here are some people who reviewed…_  
_

InuYashasLoveLorn - Hey! Thank you so much for reviewing! You have long reviews too and I love every comment you've given so far! I hope you like the songs I used in this chapter…I did get kinda too obsessed with Green Day. Hehe… But anyways, you asked if you can request a song… Sure! I would love to use your song, but I'll have to see if it goes along with my story. But I'll try to use it as much as possible!

Lizbeth - Thank you for all your kind reviews! I'm sorry I didn't use your song…I might use it in future chapters though!

Beloved Rose - Hey! I love your Teddy!...lol…thanks for your reviews!

fluffyrachel - Thank you once again!

Zirra Nova - I hope this chapter makes up for that last chapter!

…and same as last time, thank you to all those who reviewed!

But just cuz I thanked you in this chapter doesn't mean you don't have to review for this chapter!

Review and tell me what you think!


	7. Somewhere I Belong

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer: Inuyasha I don't own. (Simple, yet effective.)

SO SORRY it took me so long to update! I didn't know what to write, it's harder than I thought... Writing Inuyasha's thoughts and feelings about his love triangle was way easier than writing about his demon/human self. But I finally did it…hope you guys like it!

Enjoy!

Song Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park

_Italic words are _lyrics

**---Chapter 6 Somewhere I Belong---**

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

''HEY RUNT! Give me back my ramen!''

''WAHHHHHHHH…Kagome!''

''Sit, Inuyasha!''

I crashed (yet again) when Kagome said her spell. I cursed under my breath. It's not fair. That little runt always gets whatever he wants when he starts using his 'cute-puppy-eyes'. Maybe I should start doing the same…

We were currently having lunch in the middle of a forest. It's been 3 days since me and Kagome made up and returned back here. Miroku and the others didn't say much. They were just glad that I got Kagome back. Kaede got news from another village's villagers that there was an evil demon bothering their village. Kaede suspected that demon had to do with jewel shards, so we decided to go check it out.

''Inuyasha, you're such a meanie!'' Shippo taunted me, with his tongue out.

''Alright, Shippo. I'm sure he got what he deserves, don't push it.'' Kagome wisely told Shippo, putting her hand on the kitsune's head.

I glanced up at Kagome from my spot and gave her an evil stare. She looked passed it and smiled gently at me. I couldn't help but smile too.

After that little confession I had at her time, we were getting along better and we are constantly smiling at each other. Although I find it extremely mushy, I still do it. If it means I get to see Kagome smiling back at me, who cares if it's mushy, right?

* * *

After lunch, we headed out west and continued our journey. We passed by mountains and rivers and finally reached the village the demon was around.

Miroku walked up to a villager (who just happens to be a female) and started asking her some questions.

''Excuse me, my beautiful lady, but may I ask you about the demon we heard that was bothering your village?''

''Oh yes, monk. That demon has been coming here once in a while, looking for children to bring back to her cave. We tried to stop her, but she almost destroyed our village once.'' The woman answered, blushing as Miroku smiled 'charmingly' at her.

I glanced over at Sango, catching her rolling her eyes while pushing Miroku aside, just when his hands were reaching out. ''Thank you for the information, do you know where we can find this demon you talk about?''

''We followed that demon to her cave once and it's just over that mountain over there.'' The woman pointed at the mountain near the village.

''Alright then, let's go.'' I lead the others with me and started walking towards the said mountain.

* * *

As we got closer to the top of the mountain, we saw more foot prints of small children. 

''Look at these footprints! They're so tiny! What do you think the demon do to these innocent kids?'' Kagome asked.

''I dunno…probably eat them.'' I answered back, smirking and giving Shippo a knowingly stare, that caused Shippo to cling onto Kagome even more.

Sango smiled. ''Don't scare Shippo, Inuyasha. I'm pretty sure the demon is doing something else to the kids.''

Shippo stuck out his tongue at me.

''Shippo! She's just saying that so you won't get scared, since you're such a…'' I stopped when I smelt the scent of a demon nearby.

Kagome gasped as the same time I stopped. ''I feel a lot of jewel shards coming this way…''

The others stopped and listened, looking around them for the demon.

Suddenly, a raspy female voice echoed throughout the area.

''Who dares to come near my cave?''

I turned towards the source of the voice, but still couldn't see the demon. My sensitive nose can't pick up her exact location either. Smog was starting to form throughout the area. I automatically moved beside Kagome, making sure she stays safe.

Sango called out to the bodiless voice.

''Who are you? And why are you taking little innocent children from the village?''

The bodiless voice didn't answer at first, she hesitated.

''I have my reasons.''

Miroku caught the change in her voice and started asking.

''Miss…I can hear some distress in your voice. Is there anything we can do to help solve your…reasons?''

''NO! None of you stupid humans can solve my problems! Your kind is all the same!'' The bodiless voice yelled, anger filling her voice.

I shot Miroku a 'good-going-look-what-you-did-now' look. I then indicated to Sango to protect Kagome while I walked forward, trying to see if I can hear or smell the exact location of the demon.

Suddenly, a huge body moved passed me and headed straight for Shippo.

The voice laughed while shouting, ''Ha! You there, the little one. You would be perfect!''

Sango and Miroku quickly got into action and tried to locate the demon, but the smog around them made it hard for them to see.

I turned around as quickly as possible; following the faint scent the demon left behind and ran for Shippo. Although it would be nice to get rid of that brat, I didn't want him to be seriously hurt. I immediately flung out my sword, it transforming in my hands as I ran. By the time I got there, I sensed the demon to be about a yard away from Shippo.

I got ready in my attack position and started swinging back. ''WIND SCAR!''

As I swung my sword forward towards the demon, a small young boy came running. I can faintly hear him calling 'mother' as the noise of the sword made contact with the demon's body and the demon's yell.

Silence followed after my attack, with Shippo whimpering behind me, still scared from being almost attacked. The smog started to clear as the others walked towards us, to see what was left of the demon, which was pretty much nothing. Kagome walked up to the spot where the demon was and picked up 7 shards.

''Wow, this demon did a lot of collecting.''

''I wonder why all she did was catch little children from the village?'' Miroku questioned.

I ignored them. Instead, I focused my attention to the little kid who was now sobbing on the ground. The scent coming from him was familiar…then I realized the scent. It was the scent of a half demon.

I walked over to the little kid and bent down, not sure how to start talking. He was about the size of Shippo and according to his scent, he was probably younger too. He had two long rabbit ears, resting against his jet black hair. He was clearly a rabbit demon. I was surprised that his father was the human and his mother was a demon. Usually it was the other way around. He looked up when he sensed me there, and scouted backwards, trembling and clearly very afraid of me.

Kagome came running over. ''Inuyasha, who's this?''

''I don't know…''

The kid looked up at Kagome, tears starting to form. ''Mother…''

Kagome bent down and placed a gentle hand on his shoulders. ''Oh my…was the demon…your mother?''

The young demon started to cry again, louder this time. Sango and Miroku made their way over and stared at the crying creature before them.

''What's your name?'' Kagome kindly asked.

''Kokoro…'' He sadly whispered.

''I know this may not be the perfect time to ask, but…can you please tell us why your mother has been taking little children from the village?'' Miroku asked.

Kokoro looked up at Miroku, grief shown all over his face. ''She wanted to find someone to play with me. Ever since I was born, I was cast away by others, because of what I am. My father died early and my mom has been the only one taking care of me. She constantly looked out for me. She tried her best to give me the things that I want. She moved near this village on purpose, so that I may get along with the village's children. But one day when I was playing with them, the villagers attacked me and forbid their kids to get near me ever again. My mother got very angry, so she started taking kids from the village, saying that since no one can stop her with her jewel shards, she can bring as much children up here as she want. I know it was wrong to take the children from their parents. But I couldn't help it. I wanted to belong.'' Kokoro tilted his head down, his voice getting sadder and sadder.

''My mom didn't kill those children she took from the village.'' He said quietly. ''In fact, she took care of them like how she would to me. They're currently in side the cave.''

''So all she wanted was her kid to fit in.'' Miroku said, with a sad look in his eyes.

''We're all very sorry that we…killed your mother.'' Sango added, bending down near Kokoro.

''It's okay. I expected this day. I knew one day she was going to leave me, either from the villagers attacking her, or from other demons who wanted the shards.'' Kokoro sadly added, sounding more mature than his age. ''I just didn't know she had to go so fast.''

''So, what are you going to do now? Do you have any one to go to?'' Kagome asked.

''No…it was always only my mother and I, after my father died.''

''Maybe, he can come along with us.'' Shippo timidly suggested, stepping out from behind me. He was obviously thinking back to what happened when we saved him from the Thunder Brothers.

Shippo walked over to Kokoro and held out his hand. ''Hi, I'm Shippo.''

Kokoro shyly shook Shippo's hands. ''I would love to. But I don't want to become a hassle to you guys. I'm not powerful at all and all I will do is drag you down.''

Kagome shook her head. ''That's not true. You won't drag anyone down. You'll get powerful as you grow older. Here, we can bring you back to our village and you can stay there with Kaede. People in that village are very kind and friendly. And Kaede will take great care of you.''

Kokoro's eyes lit up at that offer and a small smile formed on his lips. ''That would be great!''

Kagome smiled at the young demon staring at her with innocent eyes. She picked him up and gently cradled him in her arms. ''It'll be okay, Kokoro. You'll feel welcomed in our village, and you'll meet a lot of friends there.''

Kokoro smiled up to Kagome.

''Come on, let's head back. Miroku and I can take the other children back to the village on Kirara.'' Sango said, walking towards the cave.

I stayed where I was. ''You guys go on ahead. I'm going to go for a walk.''

Kagome gave me a quick questioning look.

I walked over to her and looked at Kokoro. ''I'm sorry, kid.'' And with that, I ran off.

* * *

I sighed. Sitting here in one of the many trees in the forest was very relaxing. Nothing to disturb me...no demons…no people. Just me…the wind…and my very own thoughts.

Although it was very relaxing leaning against the tree, my thoughts were racing in side my head. Different feelings were brought up inside me. I didn't know what to do.

So the first thing that popped into my head was Kagome's strange device. For some reasons, her strange device always gave me…things to think about.

I took the device out of my hoari (I kept it in there from this morning when I was secretly listening to it), and pushed the triangular button. Music started to come out of the black head ban and gently took me into a calmer mood. I leaned back and closed my eyes.

_(When this began)  
I had nothing to say  
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
(I was confused) _

Talking and listening to Kokoro reminded me of my own parents. And the thoughts I was going through as a kid. Like him, I was cast away by others, not fitting in with anyone.

I remembered how all the village people would make fun of me, and say stuff about my mom behind our backs. Saying how she is a shame towards humans for bearing a child for a demon. Back then I was pretty young and didn't quite understand what exactly they were doing. All I felt was I didn't fit in and it was the only feeling I felt throughout my childhood.

_And I let it all out to find  
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind  
_

As I gently listened to the music and wind blowing around me, I can faintly remembered meeting with another half demon once, when I was a kid. He was another half demon just like me. He was a very friendly hanyou and one of the very few friends I had back then. I couldn't quite place his name; all I knew was that he got killed by the villagers…because he was like me. A half demon.

_(Inside of me)  
But all the vacancy the words revealed  
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel _

I was torn when I heard my friend had died. I was angry and felt alone in the world again. Why does everyone treat us, hanyou, different? What do they have that we don't?

_(Nothing to lose)  
Just stuck, hollow and alone _

_And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own  
_

Is it my fault that I'm a hanyou?

_I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real  
I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long  
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real_

_I wanna find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong  
_

Belong. That's what I've been looking for my whole entire life. Throughout my childhood, I was cast away by other children. Cast away by humans and demons. Neither of the kind looked at me normally. My mom was the only one who loved me for who I was. I did felt belonged back then but when she died…

When I heard about the Jewel of the Four Souls, I knew I had to get it. To become a full fledge demon, so I can get more powerful. And fit in, to belong. So I went searching for it.

That's how I met Kikyo. She did give me a sense of belonging. But that belonging was only because I was just like her, different from others. Both longing for a way to live a normal life. After some time following and spying on her, she talked to me and found comfort in me. We both knew what each other felt like, the feeling of being left out. That's how we started to fall in love.

But as fate would have it, we were not meant to be together. Kikyo died and I got sealed to the God Tree. Ironically, 50 years later, her reincarnation came to me and woke me up. Not to mention shattering the jewel.

_And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
(I was confused)  
_  
I was so angry at her, the only hope of me belonging was shattered, along with the jewel.

_Looking everywhere only to find  
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind  
(So what am I)  
_

But Kagome showed me that I don't really need the jewel to belong. She showed me that there are people out there that would accept me for who I was. People who are willing to stay by me, support me and protect me…although most of the time it's me who protect them.

_What do I have but negativity  
'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me  
(Nothing to lose)  
_

She proved to me that I don't need to belong to a specific group, as long as you've got people around you who cares about you is enough. There are way too many people and demons out there for me to please them all, might as well forget how they look at me and just concentrate on what makes me happy.

_I will never know myself until I do this on my own  
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed  
I will never be anything till I break away from me  
I will break away, I'll find myself today  
_

Even though I know Kagome makes a point, I still can't get over the fact that I don't belong. I've been going through it my whole entire life, I can't just give it up and ignore the world. Maybe someday I'll be content with who I am and not worry about fitting in.

_I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I've somewhere I belong  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I've somewhere I belong  
Somewhere I belong _

But until then…I'll keep looking for somewhere to belong.

* * *

Phew…finally did it! I finished Chapter 6! Hope you guys like it…I tried to make it longer to make up for not updating so long. Anyways…don't forget to review! 

Oh…by the way, Kokoro means Heart, Mind or Spirit. I decided to use that name because of Kokoro's mother and how she tried her best to give what Kokoro wants. I just thought that since Kokoro's mother cared about her son so much, she would name him something special. Plus…Kokoro sounds nice :)


	8. Part of Me

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer:

Me:''Hmmm…what should be my disclaimer this time?''  
Kagome:''BACK OFF! INUYASHA'S MINE!'  
'Me:''Okay, okay…Inuyasha's not mine…''(edging away from Kagome)

**(Author's note at bottom.)**

Song "Part of Me" by Linkin Park  
!NOTE! - I may skip some parts of the song to make the story go more smoothly.

Enjoy!

_Italic words are _lyrics

**---Chapter 7 Part of Me---**

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

After Sango and Miroku returned the youngsters to their rightful parents, we decided to head back right away so Kaede can take care of Kokoro.

''Thank you so much!'' Kokoro kept repeating, as we made our way back.

Kagome smiled at him. ''Kokoro, we understand. No need for any more!''

None the less, the little hanyou bowed once again with a thankful smile on his face.

''You'll feel very welcomed there.'' Shippo informed his new friend.

''Oh, I just hope I don't give anyone any trouble.'' Kokoro said shyly.

Shippo rolled his eyes jokingly. ''Stop being so well-mannered, my friend. You'll fit right in.''

''Easy for YOU to say, you little rude runt.'' I added in.

Shippo gave Kagome one of those innocent looks.

''Sit, Inuyasha! You should speak for yourself.''

I grumbled yet again as I spit the dirt out from my mouth. Grr that little runt, always making me suffer.

''Mmhmm.'' Kaede nodded after we told her what happened up in the mountains. ''I understand. Kokoro is welcomed to stay here for as long as he wants.''

Kokoro immediately leaped to his feet. ''Thank you, thank you, thank you!'' He repeated as he bowed, with his face to the ground.

''Come on Kokoro, I'll show you around!''

Kokoro barely had time to answer before Shippo and Kirara rushed him out the door. Loud, excited children's voices were heard outside the cabin, greeting their new friend.

We then decided to stay for a few days for Kokoro, so that he can get to know the villagers better before we head out again.

* * *

''Please, Inuyasha!''

''NO!''

''PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!''

The perverted monk has been complaining and begging ever since we got into our hot spring and just like any other time; his perverted self is acting up again.

''Miroku, you know the answer to that. I said no and that's that.'' I answered back, frustrated. ''Why can't you just stay quiet and enjoy your bath here?''

''Come on Inuyasha. They're just right over there! Have some fun! Don't tell me you've never wanted to peek at Kagome.''

''Of course not! It's perverted and wrong! Only people like you would take pleasure in doing it.''

''Inuyasha, it's okay to admit it. After all, Kagome does have a perfect, slim body. Not to mention her big b--''

I glared at him with my death stare.

''…brown eyes!'' Miroku finished with a nervous chuckle.

I sighed. ''Miroku, just take your bath quietly.''

I pretended to wash myself and turned around, feeling a light blush creeping on to my face. Damn Miroku for making me think of Kagome's big… …'brown eyes'.

We finished our baths and was about to put our clothes on when I realized something horrible. Miroku looked over and realized the same thing. We stared blankly at each other.

Tetsusaiga was gone.

* * *

''WHERE THE HELL CAN IT BE?'' I yelled at the top of my lungs, trying to sniff out a scent. ''I can't believe I didn't pick up their scent! Why did I leave it out in the first place? I'm such an idiot!'' 

''They must've been very strong if neither of you saw them.'' Shippo commented.

''Did either of you saw anything unusual?'' asked Sango.

''Well, we were kinda distracted in there and we weren't paying much attention to our clothing.'' Miroku answered, giving me a quick glance.

''I didn't sniff out any unordinary scent by the spring. There's nothing I can follow.'' I said, worrying like mad.

''Do you think Sesshomaru took it?'' Kagome asked.

''No, I can pick up his nasty scent anywhere. Plus, he can't pick up my sword anyways.'' I answered, glad that Tetsusaiga has that special protection.

''What if he got a human to do it for him?'' Sango suddenly realized.

Miroku pondered the thought. ''That's a possibility…''

A loud explosion came from outside and interrupted our conversation. Then all of a sudden, a dark aura flowed through the village. We ran out side to see who caused it.

Kagura and Kana were floating up in the sky, surrounded by demons and poisonous insects.

''What are you doing here?'' Sango demanded.

''Oh, we just thought we'd stop by to say hi.'' Kagura replied, with her annoying soul less voice.

We sprang into action as the demons flew towards us. Sango got on Kirara and started attacking with her Hiraikotsu while Kagome aimed with her arrow. Miroku couldn't use his wind tunnel because of the poisonous insects so he just used his staff. And I had to attack with my hands, which was getting frustrated since there were so many demons surrounding us. Not to mention Kagura's annoying taunting.

''Aw, what's the matter Inuyasha, why don't you use your precious sword?''

Great. Just what I need. A whole bunch of Naraku's henchmen to come attack us when I don't hav-- wait a minute…

''KAGURA! It was YOU! You have my sword!'' I stared angrily at the Wind sorceress.

She laughed a cold, high pitched laugh. ''Took you long enough to figure out.''

She raised her hand, holding out her fan, and a dark purple bubble came rising from the ground.

We all gasped when we saw who was inside.

''Oh no! Kokoro!'' Shippo yelled. ''What did you do to him?''

''Well, we had to use some kind of tool to get the sword.'' Kagura answered coldly, fanning herself.

No wonder I didn't notice anything different. I wasn't expecting Kokoro to steal the sword so I didn't thought to follow his scent.

''Kagura!'' I yelled, wondering how I can reach Kokoro and get my sword back. ''What do you want?''

Instead of answering, she flew towards me, with an evil smile on her face. She came to me with her usual wind attacks and I managed to dodge her with multiple back flips.

I knew I can't keep dodging. I need my sword back.

Kagura seemed to be reading my thoughts as she kept attacking, each attack stronger than the last. I noticed the others were having a difficult time too. There were just too many demons to fight off.

''Why don't you just attack me, Inuyasha? Use your sword and stop attacking me with those pathetic claws. Oh whoops, I forgot, you don't have your sword with you!'' Kagura continued to taunt me.

I feel a burning anger inside me. ''I'll get you…''

''With what? Your bare hands?'' Kagura laughed and continued ''You're so pathetic Inuyasha. The only reason why you defeated all those other demons is just because you've got your father's sword with you.''

''Shut up! I'm just getting warmed up.'' I defended myself, feeling the anger within me growing like a burning fire.

''Oh? Well then, let's see if you've warmed up enough to save your beloved human woman.'' Kagura headed towards Kagome, who was already cornered by the other demons.

''Kagome!'' Sango yelled, trying to fight off the demons that were holding on to her Hiraikotsu.

''Blades of blood!'' I yelled, throwing my attacks out as fast as possible. I didn't do much damage to Kagura, but I was able to distract her.

''Give up Inuyasha. Without that sword, you're just a worthless dirty half-breed who can't protect anyone.''

''I SAID, SHUT UP!''

The fire that was burning inside me burst and I felt myself starting to transform.

''NO, Inuyasha! Don't listen to her! Please Inuyasha, control yourself!'' Kagome pleaded, running towards me.

It was no use, the transformation have already started. I can feel the demon blood inside me starting to take control. The hunger to kill increased as every second passed by. I knew it was too late to stop.

I quickly looked up towards my sword, hoping that I might still have a chance to touch it before I become a reckless demon.

''Attack me if you can, you dirty runt!'' That was the last thing I heard from Kagura.

I turned my head towards Kokoro, and that was the last thing I saw before I lunged for him… through my blood red eyes.

* * *

''Inuyasha?'' A worried voice asked softly, somewhere beside me.

''Ugh…''

I took in the scent around me and could pick out the familiar smell of Kaede's hut and the sweet scent of Kagome's. I slowly opened my eyes.

''Oh good, you're awake!''

I tried to sit up, but failed. My body felt weak; I can barely move my arms.

''Am I dead?'' I asked, grinning. ''All I see is a beautiful angel.''

Kagome giggled. She leaned towards me and gently lowered her soft hand onto my cheek. ''Thank goodness you're okay.''

I looked in her eyes. My heart swelled up once again, knowing she worried over me. Her beautiful eyes stared back towards me, a light smile on her lips. How I wish to be able to kiss those lips…

''Inuyasha! You're awake!''

I groaned. Just when I thought I'd get a chance to get closer to Kagome…

The others came in after Shippo, relieved expressions on their faces. I noticed Sango got scratches on her arm and Miroku's hand was purple.

''Guys… what… happened?'' I asked, confused. I then realized that I have no memory whatsoever of what had happened.

Kagome sensed my clueless ness and started to retell me the events.

''Well, after you transformed, you headed for Kokoro and--''

''I… didn't kill him… did I?'' I asked uncertainly.

''No, you didn't. Don't worry Inuyasha, you didn't kill anyone innocent.'' Miroku told me, reassurance in his voice.

Kagome continued. ''I tried to stop you, but demons came and tried to stop me. So instead, I aimed my arrow towards Kokoro and it shattered the bubble around him. Sango managed to knock the demons around her off and she caught Kokoro before he hit the ground. That's how she got hurt.''

Sango waved it off and continued for Kagome.

''Anyways, after when Kokoro fell, you went for the demons that were surrounding you. Even with you killing them, there were still a lot. I had trouble fighting them off, what with Kokoro and my injured arm. Miroku was having trouble fighting with only his staff so he used his wind tunnel. With the both of you attacking the demons, there weren't much left. Kagura saw this and she decided to leave.''

''But before she left, she said 'my work here is done.''' Shippo interrupted.

''I think all she intended to do was to get you to transform.'' Miroku added in, weakly. He was sweating and he had to prop himself up against the wall. Those poisonous insects can be such a pain.

''After Kagura and the demons left, you were still in your demon form so you headed for Kokoro again.'' Sango continued. ''But Kagome ran out and called your name. She managed to distract you and you hesitated at the sight of her. I threw her your sword and she came up to you. You slowly turned back into your normal form, but you collapsed afterwards.''

''You used a lot of your energy fighting off all those demons.'' Kagome told me, looking at me with a slightly worried expression.

I let the events sink in and slowly sat up, with the help from Kagome. ''I'm sorry I didn't control myself better. You guys got hurt because of me.'' I softly said.

''Don't blame yourself, Inuyasha. You didn't ask Kagura to steal the sword in the first place.'' Miroku told me.

''It's not your fault, Inuyasha. We understand.'' Sango added.

I sighed. ''I want to go for some fresh air.''

''Want me to come with you?'' Kagome offered.

''No, thanks. You should stay here to treat Miroku. I'll be back soon.''

I walked out of Kaede's hut and saw Kagome's bag lying opened on the porch. I took out her device and headed for my spot in the forest.

* * *

Leaning against the familiar space between the branches of the God tree, I took Kagome's device out and pressed the triangle button.

The same type of music came on, concentrating me to my thoughts.

Being a half demon, I often go through the different sides of being a human and being a demon. My human side comes out during every new moon and I spend the night as a pure human with no powers. My demon side, however, doesn't follow a certain cycle and can come out whenever. The only thing that prevents me from transforming is my father's sword, Tetsusaiga.

My father forged the sword because he wanted to use it to protect my human mother and along with it, his love for her also got transferred into the sword. By keeping the sword close to me, it somehow keeps my human side within me and it is able to balance my demonic side. That is why whenever the sword isn't near me, I loose all my control.

_Part of me won't go away__Everyday reminded how much I hate it__Weighted against the consequences_

It is really hard for me to control my demon side, especially when I'm angry. Whenever I'm in my demon form, I often do things I regret. I can never control my body and thoughts. I always end up hurting someone.

_Can't live without it so it's senseless__Wanna cut it out of my soul__And just live with a gaping hole_

Sometimes, I just wish I can get rid of that side of me. Just like my half human side, it creates so many problems in my life. I hate it when I turn as full demon because I can never control what I do, never think about what I'm doing and never remember what I've done. It's as if it's taken over my soul.

_Take control of my life__And wash out all the burnt taste__I made the problems in the first place__Hang my head low cause it's part of me_

I hate being a half demon.

My demon side doesn't even listen to me. In the past, I have killed many innocent people and not remember doing it. Unlike my demon brother, I actually do feel bad when I kill innocent people. Maybe it's because of my human mother and my human side, but I hate the thought of killing innocent ones. They don't deserve to die. They don't deserve to be killed… especially by a reckless half demon.

_And now I'm sick of this__I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts that grade on my sanity__I rather not even be then the man that's staring in the mirror through me_

Why must I be a half? Half human, half demon… why can't I just be a full something? Why must I get stuck in the middle?

_Cut myself free willingly__Stop just what's killing me_

_I feel it everyday__I feel I made my way__I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside__Swallowing me_

Fear and confusion is probably the worst combination of feelings you can put together. But that's exactly how I feel whenever my demon side takes over. Every time when I turn back to my normal form, I always feel so confused and so afraid that I've gone and done something terrible again.

_Freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it__Once it's been dealt with you feel like you've been touched by something angelic__And then melted down into a pool of peace__Cease to be the animal you used to be_

In the past, I've killed many people and demons. Aside from the fear and regret of killing those innocent victims, I also feel another horrible emotion.

Even though I may not remember what happened when I'm in my demon form, I often still remember the way I felt. Most of the time I feel anger because that's usually how I get turned into my demon form in the first place. But I also remember feeling a sense of freedom. A freedom to kill. A freedom to not care about anything but to destroy what's in front of me.

And the scary thing is that I enjoy it.

I enjoy killing people. I crave for their blood. I desire for people's death.

And I hate myself for feeling this way.

_Remove the broken parts you know were wrong__And feel the karma when the problem's all gone__And then you start to see another piece of yourself__That you can't let be__Memories of the last fight to free yourself_

I try very hard to control myself, but it's so hard. It is as if every time I go through the transformation I feel like I'm fighting with myself. It's a never ending battle between my human and demon side.

_Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well__And now you know you can choose to lose the part in your heart__Where your insides bruised__You can live if you're willing to__Put a stop to just what's killing you_

I do see some kind of hope though. Just a little bit.

And that's Kagome. For a few times now, she's the one that's been able to crack through the demon's controlling mind and get in touch with me. She's been able to pull me back to my normal self, calling my soul back to take control.

With her help, I can regain my control and learn to take my soul back from my demon side. I'm starting to learn to take control again because of her. I'm starting to resist.

_Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams away silently__This part of me won't go away, part of me won't go away__Everywhere I look around I see how everyone aught to be__Every time I see myself I see there's always something wrong with me._

I am, however, only starting to learn. That side of me is still in better control. No matter how hard I try, I know that side will still stay within me. Controlling and taking over my soul.

_I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me._

And I can't do anything about it because no matter what I do, I'll still be a half demon…

…an emotional, pathetically weak half-human, fighting with its reckless, dangerously powerful half-demon side.

_I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me.

* * *

..._And that's chapter 7.

I don't think apologizing will help much since I haven't updated this story for about uh… let's see… ONE WHOLE YEAR. But I'll apologize anyways. I'm sorry for not updating at all. I've had a lot on my mind and I got quite distracted in the past year.

Life was just taking too much of my time and I didn't have any spare time to sit down and write. Okay, that and I'm heck of a procrastinator. But you understand right? Heheh… Anyways, I promise I'll keep updating this story and I'll try to keep it within 2 months for each update.

Also, I think my mind's finally waking up from its writer's block mode cuz lately; I've been getting a lot of new ideas. I've started on another fanfic called 'Through A Lover's Eyes' and there's a lot of ideas for that fic.

So I hope this makes up for the long wait you had to go through.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter and please leave a review!


	9. Understanding

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer:  
Me: ''Inuyasha is mine!''  
Conscience:''Uh…your nose is starting to grow…''  
Me: ''Damn it! I thought I got rid of you!''

Song Understanding (Wash It All Away) by Evanescence  
**!Note!** I may take some of the lyrics out or change a word or two to help the story go more smoothly.

Enjoy!

_Italic words are _lyrics

**---Chapter 8 Understanding ---**

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

I looked up as a familiar scent drifted my way. A sense of calmness finally managed to squeeze into my body as I allowed myself to absorb the scent.

Her scent.

"Inuyasha?" Her timid voice called out.

Night has fallen now. I didn't even realize I had sat up in my branch for so long. I looked down and saw Kagome looking up at me with concern in her eyes. My heart did a little flip as I felt her concern for me. I dropped down quietly and pulled her close to me before settling the both of us back onto my branch.

"I didn't mean to follow you, I was just worried."

"It's alright." After a moment I added, "Don't worry about me too much, I'm okay."

Kagome gave a small sigh. "I know what you're thinking Inuyasha. And it's not your fault."

I turned away. I should've expected her to talk to me about it. "Kagome... I don't know if I want to talk about it just yet."

"I understand. But Inuyasha, you can't keep doing this to yourself." She paused, unsure whether if she should continue or not. I remained silent. She took my silence as permission to go on. "Every time after you transform... you always come out here and beat yourself up with your thoughts. It's not necessary. There's other ways to solve this. You shouldn't blame yourself all the--"

"How would you know?" I cut her off in the middle of her sentence. I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice as I asked her the question. I wasn't just angry at her. I was angry at myself and at the world.

She sat there, eyes wide from my sudden outburst. "I'm sorry, I just thought..."

"You don't know what it's like! Why do you keep telling me to stop blaming myself? Don't you see? It IS my fault!" My hands subconsciously gripped my sword. "It's always like this. I lose control because I lose my temper. Then I go blind and start killing anything that's in front of me. How would you know what it's like? You've never felt the demon inside you, ripping against your soul and mind, trying to take control. And when it finally does control and start killing, you can't help but kill with it. Worst of all, you start to enjoy it, as if you've always wanted to kill things and see them die before your eyes."

My voice started to get louder now and more out of control. "None of you will ever understand! I've always been like this. This half breed who can't even control when to become a demon or a human. One night I can be a worthless human, unable to defend myself or the ones I'm supposed to be protecting. Instead I need them to guard me! Then next thing I know I can be a reckless demon, killing everything in my path. Even hurting the ones I care about. Then they have to protect themselves against me. Don't you see how dangerous I am?! I'm a danger to anyone I come close to and all I will ever do is cause them trouble and pain!" I started to tremble unwillingly.

No, Kagome can't see me like this. But I couldn't help it. All those walls I keep trying to put up between myself and others seem to fall and crumple to the ground. Kagome does that to me.

She reached out shyly and I felt her warmth on my shoulder. I tilted my head down, trying to shield my eyes away from her with my bangs.

"Oh Inuyasha..."

With a voice much quieter, almost like a whisper, I asked the question that's always been with me.

"Why do I have to be a half breed Kagome? I hate what I am."

Tears suddenly filled her eyes. I didn't need to look at her to know she had started to cry; I would recognize the scent of her tears anywhere. And once again, my Kagome was crying for me. "Don't," I told her. "Please don't."

Kagome reached out for me again, this time wrapping both of her arms around my neck and pressing herself as closely as she can manage without losing her balance. "Inuyasha... I wish I can take your pain away. I'm sorry."

The tears I've been trying to hold back slid down my cheeks. I cleared my throat, trying to clear the pain in my voice. "I know, Kagome. But there's nothing you can do."

She sobbed into my shoulders. My heart ached. For both myself and for her. She's crying her heart out because of my pain. The pain I've been carrying around alone since I've learned the meaning of the word "half breed". I slowly reached out and gently wrapped my arms around her waist.

Eventually, her crying subsided and she pulled away slightly, just enough to stare into my eyes. By then my own tears had stopped.

"Inuyasha, I don't know what I can do for you. But I know this much..." She lightly touched my cheeks and gave me a small smile. "I know I've told you this before but I will say it again. It's not your fault that you're a half demon. And there's nothing wrong with being that."

_You hold the answers deep within your own mind  
Consciously, you've forgotten it  
That's the way the human mind works_

I wanted to interrupt her but I didn't want her to start crying again, so I waited for her to continue.

"No one can decide what they will become before they are born. We are who we are. No one can change that. You were meant to be born as a hanyou, and what's wrong with that? There's no shame in being one. You shouldn't look down upon yourself just because some inconsiderate people do. Others just don't understand. They don't know what you go through and they reject you because you are different. But that's not your fault. You can't control how others look at you."

_Whenever something is too unpleasant_

_The pain that grips you  
The fear that binds you  
Please don't be afraid  
When the darkness fades away  
The dawn will break the silence  
Screaming in our hearts  
_

"I'm willing to stay by you despite of everything."

I stared back into Kagome's lovely brown eyes. I pull her close again, closer than before. Her heart beats strong and steadily. Just like her love for me.

_My love for you still grows  
This I do for you  
_

My heart melts again for the millionth time I'm with my Kagome. She always knows what to say and she always mean every word.

I know this would be a perfect time to tell Kagome my feelings. But I know if I went into it them the moment would be ruined. I didn't want this moment to end. So instead, I chose to keep my mouth shut and held on to Kagome as if she was the only thing in the world. _  
_

_Hold and speak to me  
Of love without a sound  
Tell me you will live through this  
_

She wrapped her arms tighter around me and I heard a small sigh from her. I buried my face deep within her hair, trying to capture her scent and somehow get it to stay with me. I willed for her to understand the thoughts that are going through my head right now. How I feel and how my loyalty to her will never falter now. I'm in too deep with her.

_And I will die for you  
Cast me not away  
Say you'll be with me  
For I know I cannot  
Bear it all alone  
_  
Then very softly, she once again said the words I wanted and needed to hear.

"I'm not going anywhere, Inuyasha."

_You're not alone, honey  
Never... Never  
_  
And with a voice as soft as hers, I whispered back.

"Thank you Kagome."

I guess I've always had a place where I belonged after all.

* * *

xxxxx

Wooooo! Hope you guys like it. ... I think after such a gap between this chapter and the last, my writing style changed somewhat. It's definitely different from the ones before. Please review and tell me what you think of it.


	10. Bittersweet Goodbye

Kagome's CDs

Disclaimer: Yes, of COURSE I own Inuyasha! That's why I need a disclaimer! Duh!

Thank you to all those who reviewed. I was so happy to get them that I've decided to write another one. Yes, I'm updating again already! Wooooo! I think this call for a celebration. Anyways, more author's note at the bottom. Firstly, the story!

Song "The Bitter End" by Sum 41 and "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt

**!Note!** I changed some of the lyrics to make the story go more smoothly.

_Italic words are _lyrics

Enjoy!

**---Chapter 9 Bittersweet Goodbye ---**

"Kokoro's adapting just fine. All the children in the village are treating him and playing with him like they do with Shippo. I can tell he's really happy. I'm so glad. Aren't you? I wonder if he'll stay here and help the villagers or he'll go off on his own. It's a big world out there, do you think he'll manage? I hope so. Oh and you know that..."

I inwardly chuckled to myself as Kagome went on with her usual babble. It amuses me sometimes, how she can be so talkative almost at any given moment.

After letting go of each other, we had shared a short awkward moment where we both stuttered, trying to find something to say and trying to hide our heavy blushes at the same time. I gently lifted her back to the ground and she surprised me when she casually intertwined her arm with mine. I only hesitated for a few seconds before giving her a small smile. And now we're slowly making our way back to the village.

"...lost another round of cards the other night. He really needs to work on his poker face. Shippo, on the other hand, is great at playing 'Cheat'! But no wonder since he's got the most innocent look ever on his..."

I was only half listening to Kagome. It's not that I don't want to listen to her, don't get me wrong. It's just that something else was preoccupying my mind.

That 'something' seems to have finally woken up when I shared that moment with Kagome; she was like an alarm clock. And now that the 'something' is awake, it finally realized that I've been ignoring it and it's throwing a big tantrum. I can feel it stomping on my head, telling me it's time. I gave a small sigh.

Kagome sensed my sudden release of breath and stopped talking. "What's wrong Inuyasha? Am I talking too much?"

"Feh, you always talk too much." I tried my best to give her my irritated look.

She heard the teasing in my voice and playfully slapped me with her free hand. "Fine, I won't talk from now on then."

"Good, I can hear my thoughts now."

"..."

"And was that supposed to hurt?"

"Hmpf."

"I'm gonna eat some ramen when I get back. If you don't say anything I'll take it as permission to do so."

"...Hmpf!"

I grinned. She's so cute when she's mad. I turned my head and gave her my best puppy dog eyes, knowing she'll fall for it, giving in to it every time.

She resisted by trying to give me an "oh-no-you-don't-go-and-give-me-one-of-those-puppy-dog-eyes-again'', but made the mistake of turning her head towards me and looking into my eyes.

As always, she cracked. "Argh. Hate those eyes of yours!" She slapped me again but also trailed her hand up to the base of my ears, scratching them lightly before returning it to her side.

I let a moment or two pass silently between us before speaking again, more serious this time. "Kagome, I think it's about time that I make my decision." I felt her tensed up, but she didn't say anything or slowed down, so I continued. "I'll do it tomorrow morning."

I didn't feel like saying anything else after that, so we walked in silence until we reached Kaede's hut. Then right before we entered through the doorway, she softly said to me, "I hope you make a good one."

* * *

I didn't sleep much that night. It's hard to fall asleep when millions of thoughts and feelings were running in and out of you the whole time. I woke up at dawn, managing to shut my eyes for only a few hours. Early morning birds were already outside, chirping away with no care in the world. A heavy stone seem to have found its way into my heart, and I couldn't get rid of that heaviness no matter what I keep telling myself. 

Decisions, decisions... Why does it have to be so hard? I know deep within my heart I've already made it. ... But why is it so hard to say it out loud?

I gave a small sigh and stood, making my way to the door as quietly as I could. The others were still snoozing away, probably off in their own dreamlands. Well, everyone but Kagome that is. I can hear her irregular breathing and knew she wasn't really asleep. I turned to her and stared for a few seconds. She must have felt me staring, so she opened her eyes to look back at me. She tried to give me a smile, but then decided against it and nodded her head instead. I nodded back at her and then I was gone.

* * *

Her scent. 

Like Kagome's, I'd recognize it anywhere.

I leaped through many trees, making my way through a forest. The sun was slowly rising its way up the sky, but the forest I was in was so thick there was barely any sunlight. Gradually though, a light appeared in front of me. Brighter and brighter it got as I headed deeper through the greeneries.

Her Soul Catchers started to float around me, guiding me towards her.

Finally, in a small clearing, I saw her learning against a tree, waking up from her slumber. I stopped and cautiously moved towards her.

"Kikyo..."

A moment of silence passed. We just stared at each other. I could see her brown eyes looking back at me, though as always, it was cold and emotionless. I wonder if she was always like this. I don't really remember. I never paid much attention to her eyes. Or perhaps I did... and I just didn't acknowledge it because I had the same daze over my eyes. But things change... _I've_ changed.

Softly, with her monotone voice, she asked, "What brings you here so early in the morning, Inuyasha?"

Back then, she wouldn't have asked me that. She would've given me a small smile and carried on with her day's work as the village priestess. Every morning, she'd expect me to be there when she woke up, and I'd follow her and help with the day's work. In between, we'd share quiet moments together. Enjoying each other's presence and company, both holding on to the sense of belonging and comfort we'd somehow managed to create just for the two of us.

"It's about time I made my decision."

_There's no doubt in my mind when it's over  
What is done will be  
_

She blinked but didn't say anything. She wanted me to continue.

"Kikyo..." I began, that heavy stone somehow started to get even heavier. "I know I promised you that I'd go to the end of the world for you, if that is truly your wish. And I--"

"Then you have decided to come with me?" She interrupted.

I stuttered. "Well, that's the thing... I don't think I can anymore."

_You will find when life gets colder there's no sympathy  
There's no point trying, you can't escape the bitter end  
Well who will greet you when you're at the bitter end  
_

Her cold eyes looked up and stared, penetrating my own, as if trying to will me to take those words back. No words came out of her mouth, no emotions passed through her eyes. She just stood there.

I didn't know what to say to her. Did she expect me to beg for her forgiveness? Or did she understand? Does she want me to go to hell? Or does she want me to live?

"Kikyo...?" I inquired, uncharacteristically timid all of a sudden.

She didn't respond. She didn't make any noise. She just stared back.

The weight of the stone increased, the pressure getting heavier and heavier. I realized it was guilt. Why can't she say something? The silence was deafening. I'd much rather for her to slap me, hit me, come hurling at me for all I care then stand there with that blank look on her face.

But of course, this is Kikyo we're talking about. If it was Kagome, I'd be in the depths of hell by now, unable to resist the force of her magic word.

I took a tentative step towards her. "Please try to understand..."

Silence.

Damn it, speak! The guilt I felt was just too overwhelming. I feel bad enough just coming here and announcing my decision to her, why does she have to make it even harder?

Finally, just when I was about to go deaf with the silence, she stood up gracefully and spoke with unnerving calmness.

"So you're going back on your promise, is that what you're trying to tell me?" Her voice was still monotone, but a brief look of anger flashed across her face. I winced involuntarily. "If I tell you now that I do want you to go down to hell with me, are you telling me that those words will have no effect? That you will ignore them and pretend that you have never made a promise to me? What happened to the old Inuyasha? The one who will carry out all his promises, one who will not regret any

decisions and paths he decides to take?"

_All your choices chosen you've got no say  
Your decisions made  
Face your consequences as your life begins to fade  
_

"I'm still the same. I am still one who will carry out my promises and not regret any decisions I make. However, my promise to you I can not carry out." I took a deep breath and stared back into her eyes. "Kikyo, not everything is either black or white. There are gray areas, things that have exceptions and circumstances. Things change and we can't always live by unwritten rules. When I made that promise, I didn't realize it was an impossible promise. Don't you understand? You're dead, Kikyo. Look at all those Soul Catchers around you. Fate separated us fifty years ago. You wanted me to go to the end of the world with you, I could. But that's not what we were meant to be. It was unfortunate that we were tricked and you ended dying and me under your spell. If you think about it though, if only our trust towards each other was a little bit stronger, it wouldn't have happened."

_As time keeps spinning closer to the bitter end  
Well who will greet you when you're at the bitter end  
_

"You were supposed to rest in peace, and I was supposed to live on under your spell. But things have changed. Your soul came back and I was freed. Though our lives are still not meant to be together. I'm sorry I have to break my promise to you. But I have other promises to make now. I don't want to die, Kikyo. I want to live. I was given a second chance to restart my life, and I don't want to throw it away."

She walked over to me and placed her cold hand upon my chest. Her eyes were still emotionless.

"Inuyasha, was our love not enough?"

"It wasn't that, Kikyo. It's just... we didn't know how to love back then."

She looked down and after a long while she nodded in agreement. "She changed you."

And finally, her guards fell and emotions filled her eyes and voice. I tilted her head up and saw there were tears in her eyes. My heart ached from hurting her. I tried to comfort her with my words.

"Kikyo, I did love you. You were my first love and I will never forget you. You gave me a sense of belonging and I felt at peace for a while. I've realized though, that's not what I need. What I need is freedom. Not physical freedom, but emotional freedom. I needed to be accepted for what I was and know that I can be who I am and not be afraid. I not only needed belonging and peace, I needed acceptance."

"... And she gave you that." It wasn't a question, just a comment.

"Yes, she did." I paused. "I'm sorry I can't keep my promise with you. But Kikyo, it's about time you let go. I will not leave until I see that you can rest in peace."

She gathered herself together and gently pushed me away. "We loved each other for a short while..."

"We did."

"And our time together..."

"Will remain in my heart forever."

She looked at me once more, before returning to her tree. She sat down and waved for her Soul Catchers to gather around her, and slowly, souls started to emerge from her body.

"Thank you, Inuyasha." Her voice was getting weaker, as more souls seeped out her body. "And thank Kagome for me please. For teaching you how to love..."

I watched as the last few souls exited from her. Her head rolled back against the tree and for the first time, a sense of peacefulness spread across her face, giving the scene a sense of serenity. Soul Catchers were flying away, carrying away the souls of dead women. Steadily, her body collapsed into a pile of dirt and bones.

"Be happy, Kikyo."

* * *

I slowly got out of the forest, my eyes having to adjust to the light of another bright sunny day. 

It was weird, finally knowing that Kikyo is resting in peace; that she no longer roams the earth; that she's finally... gone. Was I sad? Was I reminiscing? Or am I... regretting my decision? I couldn't understand what I was feeling. Then I suddenly remembered that I still had Kagome's device with me.

I only contemplated for a second before I took it out and started it up.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
__Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?_

I dropped my head as I flashed back to the tears I saw on Kikyo's face. She must have been hurting a lot if she allowed herself to show such weakness. And I was the one who had caused it...

I gave a frustrated sigh. Why did it have to happen to us? A stab of hatred went through my heart to Naraku. Damn him for what he did to us. For ruining everything. If it wasn't for him, none of this would've happened. Kikyo wouldn't have died, I wouldn't have been sealed to a tree and we'd still be together. Then I would've never had to hurt Kikyo by rejecting her like the way I did back there.

But then... I also wouldn't have had met Kagome.

Still, I'm far from grateful for what Naraku did. He's still a stupid idiot who wears that monkey suit all the time. I mean, what's up with that?

_'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
__Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
__So I took what's mine by eternal right,  
__Took you soul out into the night._

When I saw Kikyo awakening and staggering towards me on the day she returned, I was...

I don't even know what I was. I was shocked, that's for sure. I was also glad and a longing for her started again in my heart. But I also remember the anger and betrayal I had felt before she sealed me to the God Tree.

Her name came out before I could stop myself and she was alive again. Her soul returned and along with that, the unfinished love we had shared came back once again.

Thoughts of us came smacking into my mind, reminding me of the silences we shared, the quiet times we spent together and the comfort she gave me.

_You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
__You changed my life and all my goals.  
__And love is blind and that I knew when,  
__My heart was blinded by you. _

I remember the first time we embraced, I felt a sense of contentment. For the first time since my mother had passed away, another human was willing to touch me and hold me. She wasn't afraid of me and was willing to let me stay with her. And in return she stayed by me. Finally I felt at ease and found that someone who knew and understood what it was like to be an outcast. Someone who didn't fit in along with society. We found a place where both of us belonged.

So the day when she asked me to become full human for her, I agreed. I wanted the sense of belonging so badly that I dropped my wanting to become a full fledged demon. I would turn human instead and learn to live a human life. I can spend the rest of my life with Kikyo and start a family with her. I had loved her and wanted her company more than anything in the world.

_I've kissed your lips and held your head.  
__I know you well, I know your smell.  
__I've been addicted to you._

But then that fateful day happened and all our plans changed.

She died. I got sealed.

And that's how our story ended. It wasn't a happily ever after ending we had both dreamed and hoped for. Our story ended as a tragic tale. One where two seeking lovers got tricked and ended up hurting each other, causing one to die and another one to be put under a spell.

When Kikyo awoke again from death, I should've known it wasn't real. I was too caught up with what happened in the past, I denied the fact that we had ended. I just couldn't bring myself to accept that we were finished.

But now...

_Goodbye my lover._

Kikyo is finally gone.

_Goodbye my friend. _

Along with that, our story.

_You have been the one._

The time we had shared together...

_You had been the one for me. _

...will only be in our memories.

As the song drifted through the air and into my ears, the weight I had felt back in the clearing started to lift. And I realized what I was feeling.

_And as you move on,  
__remember me,_

...I was letting go.  
_  
Remember us and all we used to be._

* * *

xxxx 

Woooo! Kikyo's gone!

To be honest though, I enjoyed writing about Inuyasha and Kikyo being together. I'm not much of a Kikyo lover but really, there's too much Kikyo bashing these days. After all, Inuyasha and Kikyo DID spend time together and were in love. I think Kikyo deserves some love from us ff writers too.

...Though of course Kagome still gets Inuyasha. xD

Anyways, hope you all liked this chapter. I'd really appreciate it if someone can review and evaluate my writing style. I love hearing from you guys about how great my story is (I'm trying to say this as humble as I can) but I'd like to hear about my actual writing too.

Oh and one more note about the songs. "Goodbye My Lover" was a total add on at the very end. At first I was going to end it when Inuyasha tells Kikyo to be happy but then it felt too short so I added the last part where he actually goes into detail about how he feels about the whole thing between him and Kikyo. "The Bitter End" wasn't my first pick either. I didn't exactly like what I picked before and I just kinda randomly chose this song to do the first part. Hope it made sense...

So yeah. Here are some replies to some of the reviews...

Kristine - Thank you for reviewing! It's always nice to hear from someone new. Personally, I really like the song "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flats too. It's just that I started this story like two years ago and I'd already picked all the songs for each chapter. I guess I should've updated the songs to better fitting ones. But perhaps I will write a one shot with that song! Thanks for the suggestion!

Uchiagirlforever - Woo! Another one on the "Fav author" list! Thank you so much! I feel special. :) I read your story and it's not as bad as whoever reviewed your story called it as. (He/she is being way too harsh to writers out there.) Everyone's gotta start somewhere right? My first one wasn't as great as these new ones and I'm still trying to improve on my writing style. So keep going and don't give up! Keep me informed if you update anything and I'll read and review them! Thanks for the correction too.

Review, review, review!


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